Growth. Balance. Creativity.

I think the quote “love yourself before you can love someone else” is meant to magnify that the relationship you have to yourself will impact the relationships you have with others.

Long-term relationships— like the one you have with you— have to shift and change in order to be sustainable. There has to be room to grow within the relationship, or else it can become a toxic dynamic. Without that space to grow, one person or all parties involved may experience a stunt in growth, delaying development or even regression. This causes friction in the form of disagreements, resentment, or betrayal.

(“Grow” has a positive intent here, which I acknowledge is subjective, because it truly depends on what your goals are. *Ex. to set a goal for monogamy vs. setting a goal for polyamory. So let’s use “grow” in terms of moving toward your vocalized & agreed upon goals/shared goals.)

Thesis: If one can practice being present, then the act of balancing growth with creativity will flow with ease and they can actively create the life that they want for themselves and (more likely) with those they are involved with.

define: Growth

No matter what we gain in this life, we will always want more.
This is not greedy.
This is what it means to be alive.
Forever exploring and yearning.

You must accept this and make space for it, to honor the relationship.

“What is it to accept and make space?” to allow for transitions and the uncertainty that comes with them. *Personal example: graduating college; the routine is changing so everything needs to reconsidered: allocation of time, new commitments, and creating & striving for new goals. My relationships with my college friends will change: how much time I can devote to them, how often I see them. Accepting and making space is to allow the gap between us to fluctuate without malice or internalization. This requires a combination of detachment, trust, and unconditional love.

(Detachment, trust, and unconditional love are skillsets you learn and practice within your relationship to yourself. My belief is that you can only do for others what you are willing to do for yourself; *Ex. I cannot ask someone who doesn’t take care of themselves to be good at taking care of me.)

Define: Balance

We have to balance our grief—

grief for what never was and grief for what we have had to let go of—

with our gratitude for what we have now, and what we hope to experience later.

This is hard. Not going to lie to you. The other night, I put on coulou trumpet meditations for an hour and just sat in my grief. Grieving the things I wanted but that did not happen, the losses I suffered, and the warmth I remember these past relationships had. Once my heart was fully cracked open and raw in my chest, I admired myself. Crying in awe of who I had become, this person that can hold something like this with honesty and patience. Just crying. So I have simplified balancing grief and gratitude to a few words, but the process is still excruciatingly painful. Ultimately, I remind myself that this is what it is to be alive. This is the whole point— to have a human experience.

The music ended. I closed my journal. I got out bed to clean myself up, “woah. Whatta crazy hour! ahaha, I did not expect that.” I laugh to myself with gratitude, for the safety I felt in that moment, to let something go and to hold on to what I have.

Creativity

This requires space to connect, to create, and to celebrate what is.

Have patience and grace as you explore the unknown to find something that inspires your growth.

This infinite loop of refinement— this is what I have learned from life and from painting 🖼️

To engage in the process is to learn how to trust:

to move without thought

to live without clarity
to practice stillness— watch the river flow— so that when you move forward into your future with only hope,

you can trust(know) that you will be able to see the joy in whatever presents itself.

“Art imitates life, and life imitates art.”

These three words — growth, balance, creativity— these concepts act as a map to healthy relationships:

with yourself, with others, and with the world.
This is freedom(to create what you want).
This is what LOVE is.

HOW TO ADAPT HELPFUL HABITS:

(I love you too much to give you advice, this is my personal experience. This is wisdom.)

Personally, observing myself naturally has helped me create a more sustainable routine. I kept a “food journal” where I just acknowledge what I was eating, water intake, sleep patterns, menstrual cycle and daily mood. You can read in more detail here.

After getting to know myself, I discovered what supported my energy levels the best and with that energy and clarity I was able to move with intention toward the things I wanted for myself:

Define my version of success.

Make space for my emotional experience.

Allow myself to rest.

Practice presence and patience.

Build trust with myself/parent myself: love through discipline; thus easing my anxiety.

(Define discipline: having boundaries and maintaining them; eating well, routine physical activity, hygiene, financial goals and budgets, keeping a bedtime, etc.)

It is not WHAT you do, but HOW you do it.

Also, finding your footing is a personal journey so the only advice I could honestly serve you is:

This is not about control— this is a loving discipline to do whatever tasks, with the courage to endure whatever the difficulty level, that lead you to feel good. The kind of discipline that says,

“I want a beautiful life, so I choose to live beautifully.”

Thank you for reading!

Your participation is so valuable.

Share your growth, balance, and creative tips in the comments below.